Either way, life leads you surely, steadily toward your purpose. Whether you experience the pain of losing touch with that purpose, or the joy of living in harmony with it, you grow in understanding and appreciation.

No day, no experience, no encounter is really wasted. Through the ups and downs, in the good times and in times of despair, you feel more intensely the longing to express who you truly are.

The beauty of this day is not in its particulars. The beauty is that you can take it all in, whatever and however it may be, and add it to the substance of your being.

Whatever comes along, be thankful for the opportunity to pass through it. Whatever is, go with it and grow with it.

Your purpose cannot help but become stronger, as each moment passes. Feel that strength, and live it more fully, more authentically, day after day.

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long,” answered the Mexican.

“But then, why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?” asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life.”

The American interrupted, “I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

“And after that?” asked the Mexican.

“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”

“How long would that take?” asked the Mexican.

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years,” replied the American.

“And after that?”

“Afterwards? Well my friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the American, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the Mexican.

“After that you’ll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”

And the moral of this story is: ……… Know where you’re going in life… you may already be there.

1. Remove a broken key from a lock.
Put some super glue on broken off part, insert, hold a few seconds and pull.

2. Remove a broken light bulb.
Stick a bar of soap into jagged edges, use soap as handle.

3. Remove a stubborn screw.
Heat with a soldering iron for a few seconds first.

4. Protect children from sockets.
Keep a piece of electrical tape over them when not in use.

5. Good glass door safety tip.
Put a BIG decal on the glass and patio doors.

6. Keep nails from splitting wood.
Blunt sharp end of nail before you use by hitting with hammer.

7. Repair small holes in screen.
Plug holes with clear nail polish, let dry, repeat until filled.

8. Straighten warped phono records.
Place record between two sheets of glass, let sit in sun for a while.

9. Best way to clean phono records.
Dip in solution of detergent and water, rinse and wipe dry.

10. Make your own fireplace logs.
Roll newspapers up tightly in shape of logs.

11. How to remove oil from a driveway.
Cover with sand let stand for a few days, then sweep off.

12. Keep fish hooks from rusting.
Stick them in a cork and submerge in some baking soda.

13. Make sandpaper last longer.
Back sandpaper with masking tape.

14. How to revive old razor blades.
Rub them back and forth inside a drinking glass.

15. Remove road tar from cars.
Sodium bicarbonate on a damp cloth.

16. Remove labels from bottles and jars.

17. Cut glass without a glass cutter.
Use tin snips and cut under water, smooth rough edges off with knife blade.

18. Easy to unglue stamps and envelopes.
Put in freezer for a few hours then flip off with knife blade.

19. Get water out of your watch.
Strap watch to light bulb, turn on for a few minutes. Water drops will form
on glass. Open up and wipe off.

20. Prevent snow sticking to shovel.
Coat shovel with car wax.

21. Tighten your hammer handle.
Soak in used engine oil for a day.

22. Low cost laminating -EASY.
Cover article with clear contact (cling film) paper.

23. Open that stuck zip.
Spray the stuck zip with shaving foam.

24. Remove paint from auto.
The product to clean paint from your car is Benzol.

25. Increase your petrol mileage.
Put 4oz of benzol to each ten gallons of petrol to increase mpg.

26. How to renew car batteries.
Dissolve 1oz of epsom salts in warm water and add to each cell.

27. Easily untie a knot in a chain.
cover the knot generously with cold cream.

28. Loosen those tight shoes.
Wad some damp newspapers into shoes and leave for a few days.

29. Make shoes slip proof.
Take scissors and scratch crisscrosses on the soles.

30. The ideal pin cushion.
Use a bar of soap, makes sewing easier, needle just slides through.

31. Make your own metal polisher.
Take blackboard chalk and rub into cloth, then rub on metal.

32. Good dog and cat repellent.
Place mothballs in areas. They will avoid it. Animals hate mothball odour.

33. When your pet has no appetite.
Try a saucer of beer. It.s known to perk up the appetite.

34. Easy to rid pets of fleas.
Put a foam rubber bed in the pet.s bed – fleas hate it.

35. Quick ways to press ties.
Hang in bath while you take a shower – steam takes wrinkles out.

36. How to remove staples.
An old nail clipper works fine for removing staples.

37. Eliminate odours from disposal.
Throw a lemon in it and let it be ground up.

38. Keep salt moisture free.
Put pieces of blotting paper in shaker. It will absorb moisture.

39. Simple eye glass cleaner.
Vinegar diluted in water makes fine eyeglass cleaner.

40. Easy clean glass doors and mirrors.
Just rub with damp newspaper – they will shine.

41. Easily reduce ashtray smell.
Keep a small amount of baking soda in ashtrays at all times.

42. Messless painting from a bucket.
Punch several holes around rim of can with small nail.

43. Take lumps out of paint.
Cut a piece of screen to fit inside of can or bucket, it will float to bottom
taking lumps with it.

44. Keep bugs out of paint.
Pour a little insect repellent into the can – it does the trick.

45. Prevent flowers from fading.
Use a few drops of chlorine bleach in water, add an aspirin for life.

46. A simple roach formula – IT WORKS!
Crumble cigarette butts in water, let dry then spread in roach areas.

47. Save painting clean up time.
Cover roller tray with aluminium foil then just throw away.

48. A novel paint can cover.
Use plastic lid from a coffee can.

49. Keep piano keys looking new.
Keep cover open, ivory turns dark if exposed to darkness.

50. How to remove grease from rugs.
Pour ample amount of baking soda on it, brush in, let stand for a day and vacuum off.

51. Destroy desire for nicotine.
Take before breakfast, a half teaspoon of rochelle salts and cream of tartar.

52. Destroy desire for alcohol.
Mix goldthread with gold seal in a tea. It creates a violent taste for alcohol.

53. Excellent insomnia formula.
One tbs powdered milk, 2 tbs honey, 1 tbs brewers yeast, stir into cup of warm milk
and take before retiring.

54. Famous diet formula plan.
Mix 1 tbs safflower oil to 2 tbs grapefruit juice, take before meals.

55. The $25 beauty facial.
Spread milk of magnesia over face, let dry, cover again, let dry, remove with damp
cloth, then apply some warm olive oil, then apply some ice cold witch hazel.

56. How to improve your IQ.
Hydrocotyle asiatica teas are a noted brain food.

57. Make pantyhose last longer.
One tbs alum, 1 quart water, rinse, let dry, then wash with soap, rinse and dry.

58. Remove blood stains from carpet.
Sponge immediately with cold water, then use a bit of soap, rinse and dry.

59. Make your guitar really shine.
Rub some toothpaste on, let dry then buff it. It will shine!

60. Keep a burn from blistering.
Apply ice cubes to the burn immediately.

61. Remove ink stains from carpet.
Apply a paste of milk and cornstarch, let stand a few hours and brush off.

62. Dry shampoo your pet.
Rub baking soda into fur and brush out. Will smell great.

63. Put a shine on your windows.
Brush with nylon stocking, use blackboard eraser to shine.

64. Unwrinkling plastic materials.
Heat ironing board with iron, lay materials on, smooth with hands.

65. Easy needle threading.
Dip tip of needle into clear nail polish and let dry.

66. How to clean your ties.
Put tie in jar with some carbon tetrachloride, shake, take out and let dry.

67. Easy clean your nail file.
Press apiece of tape onto file, pull off. Removes all dirt.

68. How to remove scorches.
Wet scorched area and cover with cornstarch, brush off when dry.

69. What to do if you oversalt food.
Drop a potato or two into it. Absorbs the oversalt.

70. Watermelon ripeness test.
Look for a creamy surface underneath the melon.

71. How to freshen stale nuts.
Stick them in the oven for 15 minutes at 250 degrees.

72. How to destroy fish smells.
Rub butter on your hands or wherever smell is to be removed.

73. How to destroy onion smells.
Dampen hands and rub bicarbonate of soda over them.

74. Keep and use overripe bananas.
Mash and freeze for making cakes and biscuits.

75. How to boil a cracked egg.
Add a dash of vinegar to the water.

76. How to make mocha coffee.
Instead of milk or cream try some chocolate milk.

77. Easy boiled egg peeling.
Keep lid on for a few minutes after boiling, pressure causes shell to fall off.

78. Eliminate popcorn duds -fast.
Freeze it first then it will all pop.

79. Easy clean kitchen windows.
Add starch to water and clean with a piece of newspaper.

80. Easy clean silverware – the best.
Use baking soda and damp cloth, clean, rinse and let dry.

81. Vegetable for liver and prostrate.
Beets.

82. Fruit soothes intestinal tract.
Papaya.

83. A fruit for arthritic gout.
Cherries

84. An appetiser fruit – GOOD
Pineapple.

85. Fruit for stomach.
Coconut.

86. A fruit for constipation.
Raw apples.

87. A fruit high in iron.
Strawberries.

88. Fruit for neutralising acid.
Lemons.

89. A fruit healthful for kidneys.
Watermelon.

90. A fruit fine for the nerves.
Bananas.

91. Two fruits thought anti-tobacco.
Apples and grapes eaten raw.

92. A fruit thought anti-cancer.
Figs.

93. Vegetable good for the kidneys.
Celery.

94. Vegetable that.s antibiotic.
Garlic.

95. Fruit to tune blood vessels.
Oranges.

96. Vegetable for fresh breath.
Parsley.

97. Ingredient good for the heart.
Honey.

98. A vegetable good for the eyes.
Carrots.

99. A good source of iodine.
Kelp.

100. A vegetable with high vitamin C .
Green peppers.

101. How to shine your refrigerator.
Use bicarbonate of soda on a wet sponge.

102. How to remove a hot cake pan.
Use clothes pins.

103. Keep windshields frost free.
Apply solution 1 part vinegar to 3 parts water over windshield.

104. Make dry cell batteries last longer.
Seal in plastic bags, wrap in aluminium foil, keep in refrigerator.

105. Remove wax from candle holders.
Freeze holders in refrigerator and it will just peel off.

106. Prevent kitchen stools from slipping.
Put rubber tips from crutches on bottom of legs.

107. Rid scratches from plastic watches.
Use cotton bud dipped in nail polish remover, rub over face, scratch disappears.

108. Excellent lubricant for appliances.
Put a drop of glycerine in gears – makes an excellent lubricant!

109. Keep garbage bags from slipping.
Use 3 or 4 clothes pins, keeps them from slipping.

110. How to clean glassware.
Clean with stale tea. If they spot, soak in buttermilk, let dry and wipe off.

111. How to clean carved furniture.
Use an old tooth brush to clean then use furniture polish on brush.

112. Remove ink from varnished furniture.
Rub with soft cloth filled with equal parts vinegar and linseed oil.

113. Remove mildew smell from luggage.
Put a bar of soap in luggage before storing.

114. Remove smoke, grease from woodwork.
Paint wood with solution of starch and water, when dry rub off.

115. Really shine your kitchen floor.
Add some sour milk to your rinse water, it will shine!

116. How to clean rust from chrome.
Rub it with aluminium foil.

117. How to really clean enamel.
Use a paste of salt and vinegar then wipe off.

118. Remove shoe polish from clothing.
Use carbon tetrachloride or rubbing alcohol.

119. Remove cigarette stains from china.
Rub it with a cork that has been dipped in salt.

120. Make your own ink eradicator.
Mix one part liquid bleach to ten parts water. Works great!

121. Make your appliances really shine.
Rub them over with rubbing alcohol, they will stay shining.

122. Remove stains from coffee cups.
Rub with salt and vinegar.

123. Make your own furniture polish.
Use two parts olive oil to one part vinegar. Have it warm while using.

124. Make your own silver polish,
Tooth paste or baking soda makes an excellent silver polish.

125. A really good copper cleaner.
Use a paste of salt and vinegar.

126. To clean your diamond rings.
Use toothpaste with an old tooth brush, rub rinse and let dry.

127. Clean tarnished gold and silver.
Rub with paste of water and baking soda, rinse and let dry.

128. How to make good jewellery cleaner.
Clean with a solution of one teaspoon ammonia and one cup of water.

129. Reset stone in your jewellery.
Put clear nail varnish in the base, set the stone in and let dry.

130. Prevent costume jewellery from tarnishing.
Put a thin coat of transparent nail polish over it.

131. Good cleaning aid for dishwashers.
Add some vinegar to the dishwasher.

132. Cure scratches on your furniture.
Use machine oil or some colour shoe polish.

133. Make a good fingernail brush.
Cut down the bristles of an old tooth brush.

134. Food for the whole litter (HOW).
Use a muffin pan so the runts can have some.

135. Lengthen life of wooden clothespins.
Boil then in salt solution.

136. Make a neat string dispenser.
Nail a funnel to wall and pull string out of bottom of funnel.

137. Tips on storing plastic curtains.
Sprinkle talcum powder between the layers as you go.

138. Basting made real easy (NEAT!).
Just tape and sew around the pieces of tape.

139. How to revive old clothing.
Shave those little fluffs off with a safety razor.

140. Make an emergency clothes brush.
Wrap a piece of tape around the hand, sticky side out.

141. Stop clothes catching on hangers.
Put a coat of clear nail polish over splinters and rough edges.

142. A needle sharpening pin cushion.
Use a steel wool to fill your cushion, keeps needles sharp.

143. Make a good yarn preserver.
Wrap yarn around a moth ball for storage.

144. Handy tips on cutting fur.
Use a razor blade on back of fur when cutting, you won.t cut any hair.

145. Tips on sewing slippery material.
Stick a piece of waxed paper in seam, pull away when finished.

146. Easy pick up of needle spills.
Use a small magnet to pick up any needle spill.

147. Excellent knitting tips.
Keep ball of yarn in nylon stocking, will flow out free of tangles.

148. How to get rid of shiny trousers.
Make a solution of 1 part vinegar to 4 parts water, soak a cloth in it, wring out
cloth put over trousers and press slightly.

149. When you need heavy duty thread.
Use dental floss.

150. Make a handy tape measure.
Just put tape around an old adhesive tape spool.

151. Prevent nylon from yellowing.
Add some baking soda to wash and rinse water.

152. Make a perfect sock darner.
Pull socks over a light bulb, makes it easy.

153. How to restore velvet like new.
Brush good and then hang in steamy bathroom.

154. Get rid of knots on sweaters.
Just rub a piece of sandpaper over sweater.

155. How to remove lint from wool.
Use a damp sponge and touch lightly.

156. Caring for leather upholstery.
Brush with skim milk every three months.

157. Repair scuffed patent leather.
Cover with same colour polish, let dry then cover with clear nail polish.

158. Prevent patent leather cracking.
Before each wearing, rub briskly with your hand, then a soft cloth.

159. Repair scuffed baby shoes.
Rub shoe with white of an egg.

160. Tips on buying shoes
Buy shoes in afternoon, feet tend to swell in the morning.

161. What to do when shoes get stiff
Cut a raw potato and rub all over. They will come back to life.

162. Black suede shoes last longer.
Wash with warm water then rub castor oil into leather.

163. How to soften leather shoes.
Sponge with black coffee.

164. Remove salt rings from shoes.
Brush with solution of vinegar and water.

165. Keep vegetables green while cooking.
Lift the lid of the cooking vessel from time to time while cooking.

166. Get juice from dried up lemon.
Boil it for a few minutes.

167. Quick onion rings.
Onions slice more easily, if you leave skins on while slicing.

168. How to kill taste of olive oil.
Add a touch of salt.

169. Good bread crumb substitute.
Potato chips, corn chips or pretzels.

170. How to keep your berries fresh.
Don.t wash until ready to use and keep in refrigerator until ready to use.

171. How to cut a soft pie.
Use a buttered knife to cut through a soft pie.

172. How to cut a frosted cake.
Rinse knife in hot water first each time you cut a slice.

173. How to make fluffy egg omelette.
Add a teaspoon of corn starch when mixing eggs.

174. Keep dressing from going rancid.
Put a spoon of sugar in it.

175. How to stop cabbage odours.
Throw a couple of walnut kernels in pot while cooking.

176. When you need soft butter quick..
If your butter is frozen, grate it, it.s the same as soft butter.

177. How to keep cauliflower white.
Pour a little milk in the water when boiling cauliflower.

178. When is the omelette done.
When you press it lightly and it springs back.

179. Keep milk from scorching.
Add a pinch of sugar while cooking and do not stir.

180. Cheese cutting tips.
A dull knife is more successful than a sharp one.

181. When you need an extra egg.
When you need an extra egg for a recipe add a little corn starch.

182. Peel onions without tears.
Let water run over them while peeling.

183. The proper way to ripen fruit.
Keep it out in open at room temperature.

184. How to pick fresh eggs.
Old eggs are shin, fresh eggs are rough and have bumps.

185. How to cut acidity in coffee.
Add a pinch of salt.

186. Good refrigerator deodoriser.
Keep an open box of baking soda in it at all times.

187. What to do about grease spills.
Pour ice water over it, it will lift off before it can soak in.

188. Make a good egg separator.
Crack egg, put in small funnel, white will come through separated from yoke.

189. Reduce wilting of root vegetables.
Cut off the tops as soon as you get them.

190. Keep vegetables fresh longer.
Put paper towels in bottom of bin. It will absorb moisture which causes decay.

191. How to keep meat fresh looking.
Cover the cut side with leaves of lettuce.

192. How to perk up wilted lettuce.
Soak in cold water with a dash of lemon juice, cool in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

193. Make frozen vegetables fresh.
Pour boiling water over them. Restores fresh taste.

194. The best way to slice onions.
Freezing them first.

195. Keep beets and cabbage red.
Add lemon juice or vinegar to the water.

196. Keep potatoes from sprouting.
Store apples with them.

197. Get rid of cooking odours.
Boil hand full of cloves in water for 30 minutes. All odours will disappear.

198. Truss poultry so it will stay.
Use dental floss, it will not burn.

199. Tell when custard is done.
Stick knife into custard, if it comes out clean, it is done

200. Tips for cutting hot cake.
Use a thread, hold both ends tightly and lower through slowly.

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.”

One of my favorite personal development people is the psychologist Wayne Dyer.

He seems to be a very warm person but he also someone who takes a lot personal responsibility and is assertive.

This is reflected in his work. He’s kind but he’s not here just to make you feel good. Through a no-nonsense approach he makes you realize obvious – but sometimes uncomfortable – things about how pretty much all of this is up to you. And how many things are quite simple but you are standing in your own way and overcomplicating it all.

Dr. Dyer’s advice can be applied to just about any part of life. Today I’d like to take a few of his thoughts and see how they can help you improve your social life. If you would like to read more from Wayne Dyer then two really solid books to start with are Pulling Your Own Strings and Your Erroneous Zones.

1. Your relationships are in your mind.

“As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.”

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge difference. So much of our relationships may be perceived to happen out there somewhere.

But your underlying frame of mind – for instance an open one or a protective and closed up one – will determine much about your interactions with new people and people you know.

So you really have to go inside. You have to realize that your interpretations from the past are interpretations. Not reality. You have to take a look at your assumptions and expectations and thought habits. Find patterns that may be hurting you (and others). This isn’t easy. Or always pleasant. You may discover that you have had some negative underlying habits of thought for many years.

But to change you have to do it. Instead of just keep looking at yourself as some sort of unmoving and objective observer of the world and reality. A change in you could – over time – change your whole world.

2. Let go of the need for approval.

“People who want the most approval get the least and the people who need approval the least get the most.”

A lot of the actions you take – or do not take – may be because you need approval from other people. When we are young we get grades in school that tells us that we are “good”. This makes it very easy to create a life where you always go looking for the world to give you the next hit of approval. It may be from your family, boss, friends, co-workers and so on.

But this need creates neediness. And the stronger the need the stronger the neediness. And so other people will sense this. And approval may be withheld or used to manipulate you. Or they may just not like your neediness.

The people on the other hand that does not care that much about getting approval often do more of what they want deep inside. They may be considered courageous for instance. So the way they live their lives will gain appreciation and approval from the people around them. It’s a bit counterintuitive.

But it seems to me like this is how things work. If you really want approval in your life try letting go of that need – as best as you can of course, this is not easy – for a while. See what happens. You’ll probably be surprised by how much better you feel inside and the reactions you may get from the outside world.

3. Let go of judgment.

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

“Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others.”

“Judgment prevents us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”

Judging can have a sense of fun to it and make you feel better about yourself as you put someone else down. So why give it up? Here are three reasons:

• People don’t like judgemental people. People don’t like to be judged. So there will be a resistance towards someone who is judgemental.
• Waste of time. You can spend your time doing more fun, constructive and positive things.
• The more you judge people, the more judge yourself. What you see in other people is often what you see in yourself. So if you judge them all the time for their looks or intelligence then you probably judge yourself often about these things too. To let go of judging others can lead you to letting go of judging yourself too. As you lift the limitations you put on others, you lift the limitations you put on yourself.

4. Enjoy the moment.

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”

One technique that can help you improve your social skills is assuming rapport.

Basically, instead of going into a conversation or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?” you take different approach. You assume that you and the person(s) will establish a good connection (rapport).

How do you do that? You simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.

But why does it work? Well, I’d say it works because it puts you in the same mental state as when you are with your friends. When you’re with your friends you are relaxed, positive, in the present moment and without many cares in the world. This is a great place to be socially. You are just enjoying yourself and your moments with your friends without much thought of the past or future. You are just there. The more you can bring yourself into this mental headspace the more fun you will have with people. And the more fun they will have with you.

So try out assuming rapport. And explore other ways to bring yourself back into the present moment by checking out Eckhart Tolle’s books (two good are A New Earth and Stillness Speaks).

5. People like positive people.

“Unhappiness is within.”

“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”

Now we are back in the same territory as in the first tip in this article. How you feel is up to you. You control you.

This is important to understand to be able to create and keep a more stable positive attitude. If you let what other people do control – or at least control you too much – then you are on a mental rollercoaster where your thoughts and feelings go up and down all the time. You have to look within to find a great stability to how you think and feel.

I’d say that one of the most attractive qualities a person can have is a positive attitude and energy. It is attractive to people at your job/school, family, friends or just that cute girl/guy in the bar. I think that one of the big things people want in any relationships is positive emotions. People simply want to create a flow back and forth with people where all of you exchange positive emotions and feel good.

Building yourself a more positive attitude will of course not only make you more likeable. It can also improve every other part of your life.

6. You teach them.

“Maxim for life: You get treated in life the way you teach people to treat you.”

This is a very important point and something I think is perhaps often missed by people who want to improve their social lives and make it more positive. They may think “well, I have been so nice towards everyone for the last few months but it doesn’t seem to have changed their behaviour towards me much”.

This is the “nice guy/girl” problem. S/he is very nice but there is no assertiveness. There is no changed feeling within about how you feel you deserve to be treated. You may still be nice just to get approval from other people. You feel the craving need. And as point # 2 explains, you won’t get the approval.

We do to a large extent choose how we want to be treated. How you expect people to treat you can have a big effect on how you allow yourself to act and how people around you view and treat you. If you start creating a role for yourself where you always let people do what they want to you then you may create some pretty destructive and negative things.

• You may create an identity for yourself where you get used to always taking whatever anyone doles out. You create a kind of victim identity where you may look happy on the outside but don’t feel so good on the inside. But since you have gotten used to it after a while you may accept it and think that: this is just who I am.

• You may create a concept in the minds of the people around you that it’s OK to treat you this way. Either because you seem so positive despite what they are doing so they think it’s OK. Or just because you aren’t saying no and some people may take advantage of that.

Look, you can’t please everyone. I think both Eleanor Roosevelt and Buddha have mentioned something along the lines that whatever you do there will always be people who don’t like what you are doing. And that’s OK. That’s normal.

Going around trying to please everyone at your own expense isn’t healthy though. Or even a realistic thing to attempt. It eats away at you both mentally and physically.

So be nice. Be positive. But make sure you set your own standards, rules and limits too. And remember that you might as well do what you want because there will always be critics.

7. Take responsibility for your social life.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”

I really like this quote from Nathaniel Branden’s excellent The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: “No one is coming”.

You can look for the next big thing that will fix you. Read more blog articles. Read more personal development books. Look for people to help. And yes, some articles or books or people will give you insights that resonate deeply with you. But in the end, if you are an adult then no one is coming. No one is coming to save you. You have to take responsibility for your own life and what happens in it. Other things and people can certainly aid you quite a bit. But you are responsible.

You can go around blaming society or some people for your problems in your social life (or finances or health). You can always find scapegoats to judge and thought that feel better about yourself. For a while. You can look for people that will “fix you”. You can do this for the rest of your life if you like. It won’t change much. Whatever has to be done, it’s you who have to take responsibility and do it.

Yeah, things might always not go your way and you will probably have bad luck from time to time. But you still have to focus on yourself and doing what you can do in whatever situation may arise in the outside world.

8. Like yourself.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

Liking yourself is vital to live a happy life. If you like yourself people will of course like hanging out with your more too. A person who likes him/herself, who is positive but also assertive is a lot better than the opposite.

Obvious, yes but the hard thing is how to go about liking yourself more. This is a topic that has filled many books but here are few tips that have helped me.

• Follow the rest of tips above. For example, taking more personal responsibility, working on your attitude and being more assertive consistently will make you feel better about yourself.
• Do the right thing as much as you can. When you do the right thing you lift your own self-esteem. When you don’t do the right thing you tend to stay at the same self-esteem level that you are at the moment (or perhaps even lower it).
• Be appreciative of yourself, don’t just look at your flaws. By appreciating the positive and good things that you think and do you can replace the need for approval from outside sources. You are giving yourself approval instead. This is a lot better than the alternative, because this is an unlimited source that you are in control of.