All Content  Emotional General |
| Lessons Learned – Romance, Relationships & Oneself |
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| Monday, 19 March 2007 | |
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Everyone you talk to will ultimately give you different advice on what a successful relationship is all about, what it consists of and how to make it work. After many years of troubled relationships and being places for the wrong reasons I realize there is only one place you can find the answers to your relationship and life problems and that is within yourself. So the journey of self realization begins. My goal of this blog is to hopefully help people along that journey of self realization.
My journey of enlightenment started 2 years ago when my mom passed away from cancer. At that time I had such an awesome person in my life from a romantic perspective, great friends, and what I would consider a well balanced life. When you lose someone that means so much to you and you don't deal with the loss you tend to shut down so no one can touch you in a way that is meaningful. Anything that happens to you that causes immense amounts of sadness, guilt, resentment and pain you ultimately need closure around or you start distancing yourself from life. If you don't get closure your mind starts building, for lack of better words, walls. These walls ultimately in your subconscious mind keeps you safe. Let me tell you two words that describes that process best though is.. MENTAL DEATH. Your friends, family and that special someone in your life ultimately loses you so I think Death of yourself is most appropriate.
Run, stay busy, ignore the obvious, don't let the pain catch you, don't reflect, don't get to close to anyone are some of the best ways I can describe what goes on in your head. Again, most of this is going on while you really aren't aware of what you are doing because most of it is going on in your subconscious. Friends go away, you ultimately drive that special someone in your life away because they ultimately get tired of trying to connect. Sadness reigns, self esteem drops and ultimately the person everyone loved so much prior to these life altering events experiences DEATH of ones self. Now one might say, why not end it, just get it over with, well I would be lying if I said that never crossed my mind but I just don't have it in me to quit at anything its not how my DNA is wired. I do feel sorry for those that aren't wired in the same way and choose that path so hopefully this journal may help someone that is wired differently push though as opposed to giving up.
I feel today I sit in front of you writing this as a changed person and it is due to self realization. Two factors played into this for me and that is having someone special in my life that didn't give up on me coupled with the final leg of the journey and that was getting extremely ill for 2 months with mono. Now I wouldn't suggest going out and getting mono to hit this point of self realization, because it can absolutely be done without it. Mono gave me 2 months of down time to reflect on my relationships, the past, my priorities what I wanted out of life etc. Instead of mono what I would suggest is the following:
1. Get yourself a note book, sit in a quiet place and just think about you and your life for a while until you get to a point you have a lot of emotion brewing inside. 2. Start WRITING.. what you want out of life, where you want to go, who you want to be, how you want people to view you etc..etc.. etc.. most importantly if you want that special someone in your life write down what you out of that relationship and how you visualize it.. most important and this is key be VERY descriptive of the above.. when I did this several weeks ago I came up with over 10 pages front and back that taught me a lot about myself. 3. Next.. Start writing again about how having your life like the blue print above would be, how it would make you feel, most importantly not getting it and changing in that direction what pain would it cause.
4. Next... Start writing down everything that is keeping you from making the change and potential ways to get around it. My biggest things stemmed back to some bad interactions I had in life at 10 years old, 23 years old and ultimately my mothers death which happened 2 years ago. What I needed to do to get around these mental issues I had was to deal with the problems and get closure. Closure came when I realized how these life changing events were keeping me from my internal happiness. Hence the self realization.
5. Last step, review, review, review... now that you have this done, read it, learn from it, and keep this document handy, that will allow you to review it anytime you find yourself slipping.
Now, my self realization did come a bit late. I lost the person that was special and believed in me. She got to a point that she realized the person she fell in love with died and lost her hope. The day she moved on was officially one of the worst days of my life. The past still hurts, but I now have a positive outlook on life through the process of self realization that mono and this person in my life prompted. The journey is one that I will forever be thankful for. The real me is back and I spend every day living life with passion.
Now, I don't claim to be a mental guru, but I have read my share of self help books. I just hope that this article finds itself into just one persons hands that they are able to change their outcome before they lose what they cherish the most in their life as I did.
"Live Life With Passion Not Regret"
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| Last Updated ( Thursday, 21 August 2008 ) |
