B

And there’s certainly nothing to be gained from a solution that merely masks or delays the problem without addressing the underlying cause. When there’s a problem in your life, get to work rooting out the core of that problem.

Facing a challenge requires effort, and yet that effort is necessary only for a relatively short time. Running from the challenge requires ever-increasing effort that has no end.

The sooner you start working through a problem, the more quickly you’ll have that problem behind you. The earlier you deal with the root cause of the problem, the more effective your efforts will be.

Truly eliminating the cause of the problem does indeed take more work than quickly fixing the symptoms. Yet once the difficult work is done to remove the problem, it’s gone for good.

Do the work to root out each problem at its core. And your efforts will bring lasting rewards.

Your way of dealing with relationships actually starts at childhood from the family life you were brought up in. So I did some research to see how many people in the United States came from basically functional families which typically equates to healthy future relationships. But before I go on let me define what functional families consist of. Functional families instill the following at a subconscious level:

-          The ability to operate emotionally, which means you learn to recognize what you feel, put clear labels on your feelings and then are able to tell other people what you feel. Conversely you have the capability of listening to how other people feel, to listen to their feelings and respond.

-          Prepares you as a child to cope intellectually with the world. Meaning, it teaches you to think clearly and accurately without major denial.  How to perceive reality for more or less what it is.

-          Teaches you how to relate in a PRODUCTIVE manner with other people in a relationship, involving discussions that have progression and closure.

So the real question is how many people actually come from healthy and functional backgrounds? My best guess based on statistics is about 20 to 30%. Dysfunctional families can be target by a number of family history factors including divorce, alcoholism, drug addiction and a number of other factors.

Now the strange thing is, if you come from a dysfunctional family and you come into contact with someone from a functional family it is a really strange experience.  It’s almost like you have made contact with an alien from outer space. This is the reason dysfunctional people tend to continually get caught up with other dysfunctional people in relationships and vice versa. People from dysfunctional families can’t relate to people from functional families and they can’t believe that functional people actually grew up in homes that the members were able to identify and talk about feelings, think clearly about reality, express opinions and actually learn to cope with other people. In growing up in a dysfunctional family we lose touch around the reality of what truly is a healthy relationship. People from functional families have learned unconsciously how to relate in a relationship in a productive, healthy and intimate manner with others.  If you come from a dysfunctional family you have leaned unconsciously to relate to others in a destructive style of intimacy.

So if 80% of people come from dysfunctional families, what is normal? It is normal in the United States today to be in dysfunctional relationships. So the real thing we should be seeking is not to be in a normal relationship, but one that is healthy.  A relationship that you and your partner have the ability to truly care about each other, communicate and put the other persons feelings into perspective without denial and dragging in past bad experiences into the current issue at hand.  So you don’t want normal, what you want is Healthy and to beat the norm.

I personally came from a very dysfunctional background that I learned a lot from, I learned a lot about what I don’t want. If you do come from a dysfunctional background you can absolutely become functional, but it takes some work and persistence but it is possible. It becomes even more possible if you surround yourself with other healthy functional people that will help pull you up to where you want to be. It’s about choices that you make around what you want out of life. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again with the expectation of different outcomes. If you truly want that drama free life, in partnerships with high mutual respect then you need to change some of the things you are doing today.

While I am not perfect at being totally functional yet I have come a long way, and its getting better every day because it is a focus to me. One day I hope to be in a place with someone that I no longer need to think on things on a conscious level and revisit those interactions after applying so much thought. I strive to have it on an unconscious level that I do the right things in the first reaction. What I do take pride in at this point is I do have the ability to love, and put someone’s feelings before my own.  I also have the ability to come back and be humble and admit where I am wrong and when I have messed up. I wasn’t able to do that previously it use to be all about me. The best part of a relationship is not the receiving back, but it’s the giving and making your partner feel special everyday without fail with no expectation back because you are doing it because you want to on the purest level. The amazing thing that happens though, in an incredible functional relationship,  Is your partner does start giving back at that same level and it puts you in a place that only 20% of the population has the ability to get to.

Live life with Passion and always live it on the terms that make you happiest. Enjoy!

My journey of enlightenment started 2 years ago when my mom passed away from cancer. At that time I had such an awesome person in my life from a romantic perspective, great friends, and what I would consider a well balanced life. When you lose someone that means so much to you and you don’t deal with the loss you tend to shut down, so no one can touch you in a way that is meaningful. Anything that happens to you that causes immense amounts of sadness, guilt, resentment and pain you, as a person, need to get closure. If you don’t get this closure your mind starts building subconsius walls to protect you. These walls cause you to distance yourself from life, the thing you should always be living to its fullest. Two words best describe this process ” MENTAL DEATH”. Your friends, family and that special someone in your life ultimately loses you so I think Death of yourself is most appropriate way to look at this.

Run, stay busy, ignore the obvious, don’t let the pain catch you, don’t reflect, don’t get to close to anyone are some of the best ways I can describe what goes on in your head. Again, most of this is going on and conciously you really aren’t aware of what you are doing and the pain you are causing to those that are close to you. Friends go away, you ultimately drive that special someone in your life away because they ultimately get tired of trying to connect. Sadness reigns, self esteem drops and ultimately the person everyone loved so much prior to these life altering events experiences DEATH of ones self. Now one might say why not end it just get it over with, well I would be lying if I said that never crossed my mind but I just don’t have it in me to quit at anything its not how my DNA is wired. I do feel sorry for those that aren’t wired in the same way and choose that path so hopefully this journal may help someone that is wired differently push though as opposed to giving up.

Today I sit in front of you writing this as a changed person and it is due to self realization. Two factors played into this for me and that is having someone special in my life that didn’t give up on me coupled with the final leg of the journey and that was getting extremely ill for 2 months with mono. Now I wouldn’t suggest going out and getting mono to hit this point of self realization, because it can absolutely be done without it. Mono gave me 2 months of down time to reflect on my relationships, the past, my priorities what I wanted out of life etc. Instead of mono what I would suggest is the following:

1. Get yourself a note book, sit in a quiet place and just think about you and your life for a while until you get to a point you have a lot of emotion brewing inside.

2. Start WRITTING.. what you want out of life, where you want to go, who you want to be, how you want people to view you etc..etc.. etc.. most importantly if you want that special someone in your life write down what you out of that relationship and how you visualize it.. most important and this is key be VERY descriptive of the above.. when I did this several weeks ago I came up with over 10 pages front and back that taught me a lot about myself.

3. Next.. Start writing again about how having your life like the blue print above would be, how it would make you feel, most importantly not getting it and changing in that direction what pain would it cause.

4. Next… Start writing down everything that is keeping you from making the change and potential ways to get around it. My biggest things stemmed back to some bad interactions I had in life at 10 years old, 23 years old and ultimately my mothers death which happened 2 years ago. What I needed to do to get around these mental issues I had was to deal with the problems and get closure. Closure came when I realized how these life changing events were keeping me from my internal happiness. Hence the self realization.

5. Last step, review, review, review… now that you have this done read it, learn from and keep this document someone handy that will allow you to review it anytime you find yourself slipping.

Now, my self realization did come a bit late. I lost the person that was special and believed in me. She got to a point that she realized the person she fell in love with died and lost her hope. The day she moved on was officially one of the worst days of my life. The past still hurts, but I now have a positive outlook on life through the process of self realization that mono and this person in my life prompted. The journey is one that I will forever be thankful for. The real me is back and I spend every day living life with passion. Now, I don’t claim to be a mental guru, but I have read my share of self help books. I just hope that this article finds itself into just one persons hands that they are able to change their outcome before they lose what they cherish the most in their life as I did.

“Live Life With Passion Not Regret”

Common sense would tell us that we sleep to recuperate our energy from a day’s work. But sleeping is a far more complex process than we think. Scientists have conducted numerous studies to answer that question.

NEED TO SLEEP

Sleeping has physiological and psychological purposes. Physiologically, sleeping helps us make brain connections, helps the immune system and helps us grow. This is whyawn.jpgy babies and children tend to sleep many hours, while adults tend to sleep less. Psychologically, sleep helps us make neurological connections and consolidate memories.

Without sleep we experience a number of physical and mental problems. We can develop depression, experience slow reaction times, slurred speech and become irritable. Sleeplessness can also affect our hormonal levels. Two hormones affected are leptin and ghrelin. Leptin is associated with the satiated feeling or fullness after eating. Ghrelin is associated with appetite stimulation. It’s no wonder people with sleeping disorders may experience weight changes.

NOT SLEEPING AROUND

The most famous record of sleep deprivation attempt was by Randy Gardner. In 1963, Randy Gardner, a high school student, self imposed this task for a science fair competition. He stayed awake 11 days. (That’s right – 264 hours without shut-eye). This feat became one of the most important sleep studies of our time. As of today, the Guinness world record is 449 hours.

What we know about sleep deprivation from these brave individuals is that there are numerous short and long-term complications. These individuals felt dizzy, had memory problems and experienced hallucinations. Studies of long term sleep deprivation in rats have resulted in death.

Our bodies can handle extreme conditions and it is built to survive. Sleep is one of those important processes that we are quick to sacrifice. Whether you are a “morning person” or a “night-owl” sleep is an important part of life (At least one third of it). So get enough sleep and enjoy it!

What about you? What are the effect that you experience when you do not sleep?

Join the conversation!

1. Be True to Yourself – This doesn’t mean a life without compromise. It means that you don’t lie to yourself. It means that you find out what is true in your heart, and you seek people, places, and experiences which support that core truth. It means you don’t settle for mediocrity. It means you keep striving for excellence even in the face of failure, because you know you are not mediocre. You know that you are absolutely unique and are capable of contributing something great. Being true to yourself means you don’t hide behind a mask. It means you’re a WYSIWYG person.
2. Have a Vision for Your Future – Take action now, with a picture of your future in mind. Have a vision that improves your life and the lives of others. Our CEO has a vision of attaching our ergonomic products to every display and laptop in the world. He never stops talking about it, because he knows if we realized even a portion of his vision, that our world would be a better place.  You already know how to build a vision. You do it on a small scale everyday when you jump in your car and drive to a destination. You have to start with a destination in mind or you’ll end up at some random place. So what is your life vision?
3. Avoid Debt – Debt is slavery. If you can’t afford it now, save for it. If you do decide to take on debt make sure it’s critical to your life vision. What is important enough to take on debt?
   • A home? Maybe
   • An education? Maybe
   • A business? Maybe
   • A car? Maybe
   • A pair of shoes? No
   • A latte? No
   • A night out drinking? No
   • Christmas gifts? No
   • Trendy new eyeglasses? No
   • An iPhone? No

   Make sure you’re not paying compound interest on stuff that will end up in a landfill or get flushed down the toilet. Make it a rule, to avoid debt.

4. Save – The financial experts all say, Pay Yourself First. Pay yourself at least 10% of your gross income. It’s easy if you have 10% automatically deducted from your paycheck and deposited in an investment portfolio. You’ll never miss it.
5. Continue Your Education – Invest in your mind. Few people do.
   • 58% of the US adult population never reads another book after high school
   • 42% of college graduates never read another book
   • 80% of US families did not buy or read a book last year
   • 70% of US adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years (source Jeff Jarvis)

   Traditional education isn’t an end, but a beginning. Traditional educators endeavor to create within your mind, a set of tools with which you will build a lifetime of education. Even if you never acquired a traditional education, you can still enjoy a lifetime of learning and growth. Keep an open mind, look for educational opportunity everywhere and become a wealthier, smarter, more creative person.

6. Take Responsibility for Change – If you aren’t getting the results you want from life, you’re probably thinking and doing things that are counter-productive. Only you can identify what those things are and only you can take responsibility for changing them. To discover what changes you need to make, find someone who is getting the results you want, then compare your habits to theirs. Find out how they think, how they speak, how they act, what they do, and what they value. Don’t be a phony, be yourself, but learn from other people. You can take huge shortcuts in life if you are willing learn from other people.
7. Learn from Mistakes - Not just your mistakes, but everyone’s mistakes. View history as an opportunity to learn. Some of us are embarrassed of our past and would rather just forget about it, but that can easily turn into denial. Denial is imaginative stubbornness which causes us to repeat the same foolish actions. We fear what we don’t understand, so if we don’t understand our failures we create unnecessary anxiety in our lives. To act courageously in spite of fear we must be honest with ourselves about our past.
8. Build Quality Relationships/Discard Destructive Ones – The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of the people you choose to have relationships with. Make sure your relationships are two way relationships. If they are all take and little give they are will suck the happiness out of your life.Love: Look for a partner who is on a similar journey as yours, who has similar goals and values, and build on your relationship by giving your love and encouragement. Be ready to compromise, because great relationships are built on shared visions not selfish ambition. Share the difficulties and the rewards. Listen closely. Be patient.Friendship: Look for people with similar values, who give as much as they take, with which you can share interests and hobbies. Good friends don’t try to change each other, they accept each other for who they are. Laugh, listen, and offer help.

   Business: Expect high ethical standards from your business associates. Don’t waste time with people who use questionable business models and practices, they can only muddy your name. All ethical business relationships are built upon providing mutual benefit. If you are questioning a relationship, trust your instincts and examine the relationship to see if it is lopsided. If someone is questioning you, listen and be honest with yourself. Is there a mutual benefit? Are you being fair? Can you see another perspective?

9. Do the Right Thing Even When it is Unpopular – Have you ever gone along with the crowd and said or did something you knew hurt someone else? Most of us have. I have, and I’m not proud of it. Every time you fail to stand up for what you know is right, it leaves a little hole in your soul. It’s like cutting flesh away, it will heal but it leaves a scar. You can’t change other people, but you can call them on their bullshit or walk away when they are acting like Neanderthals.
10. Honor Your Commitments – Do not make commitments lightly. Before you commit to anything, think it through with your heart and your mind, and if you have doubts, don’t commit. But if you do commit, follow through. Our biggest commitments are to our spouses and our children. If you fail to honor those basic commitments, the damage can last generations (This is not to say that you should stay in an abusive relationship. If you are in one, get out. The abuser has already broken his commitment). Our business commitments can be nearly as important. If you fail to pay your bills and honor your contracts, you will see opportunity evaporate. Others will lose trust in you, which will destroy your relationships.
11. Be Charitable – Now that you’re saving 10%, take another 10% and give it to a worthy cause. I am sure some of you are thinking, “whatever, he’s talking about rich people, not me, I don’t have enough money to give any away.” No, I’m talking about you. If you only make $1000 per month then you only have to give away a 100 bucks. If you can’t give away $100 now, it will be even harder to give $1000 later. Why? Because it will add to your overall well being. You’ll feel better about yourself and your world and it will come back to you ten fold. Being miserly will not improve your life, generosity will.

Even though these great teachers have passed on, their words still live, and in them their wisdom. I’ve made a list of seven what I believe are some of the greatest teachings by the world’s greatest minds.
1. Realizing Your Dreams

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else.”
- Lawrence J. Peter

In order for us to achieve our dreams, we must have a vision of our goals. Writing down our dreams and creating a list of actions helps us stick to our plan. As it’s said “if you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it”. When we turn our goals into measurable actions, we gain clarity and are able to see the necessary steps we must take in order to achieve them.

Action: Visualize a life of your wildest dreams. What did you dream of doing when you were a child? What would you do if you had a million dollars? Create a vision for your goals and start breaking them down into small actions that you can take on a day by day basis.
2. Overcoming Fear

“It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, “Always do what you are afraid to do.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best way to learn something is to dive right in to it. When we overcome our fear of failure, we learn that only those who are asleep make no mistakes. Fear is the only thing keeping us from experiencing a life of love and fulfillment. If we make a commitment to an uncompromisable quest for truth, we will realize that as we grow more into the truth, our fears start to disappear.

Action: You must define your fears in order to conquer them. Create a list of everything you’re afraid of and start facing them one at a time. Make a commitment to yourself now to not let fear rule your life.
3. Intention and Desire

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.”- Guatama Buddha

Our thoughts determine our reality. When we stop thinking about what we don’t and begin thinking about what we do want, our lives begin to transform. Instead of working against our desires and intentions, we move into alignment with them.

Action: Create a list of your intentions and desires. Wherever you go, take this list with you. Read it when you wake up and before you go to sleep.

4. Happiness

“Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances.”
- Benjamin Franklin

Happiness comes from an inner peace, understanding and acceptance of life; a perspective of truth that opens your eyes to the beauty of life all around us. Happiness cannot be achieved by external status, it must be an internal state that we realize when we see our innate perfection.

Action: Realize that happiness is a choice. In every decision you make ask yourself “how can I respond to make myself happy and fulfilled?”
5. Self Acceptance

“If a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.” – Jesus

When we stop trying to be what we are not, we realize our authenticity. Before we had knowledge, we were completely authentic. We learn to use knowledge to measure and judge, which is a powerful tool we have as humans. However we create an image of perfection in our mind of what we should be, but are not. We confuse knowledge for nature. We believe in the lie of our imperfection. When we realize this we can reclaim the truth of our perfection and live in love and acceptance.

Action: Make a commitment to never go against yourself. Practice non-judgment and realize that the same part of your mind that condemns you is the same voice that caused you to take the action in the first place. We don’t even have to believe what we say to ourselves.
6. Appreciation and Gratitude

“So much has been given to me, I have not time to ponder over that which has been denied.”
- Helen Keller

How many times do we count our misfortunes rather than our blessings? When we take time to open our eyes to the miracle of life we can see the many gifts that have been given to us. Remembering all the beautiful aspects of life and all the reasons you are blessed can immediately shift our mood. We can move from sorrow and despair to appreciation and hope.

Action: Each time you find yourself complaining about something, re-direct your focus to something you are grateful for. Make a habit of transforming your awareness of troubles into an awareness of abundance.
7. The Art of Simplicity

“I made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short.”
- Blaise Pascal

Perfection is not when there is nothing to add, but when there is nothing more to take away. As Bruce Lee once said “the height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” True mastery of our lives is realizing the simple joys of life, removing distractions and clutter from our lives.

Action: The art of simplicity is knowing what to take away. Practice recognizing when you’re spending your time on unimportant tasks and re-focus on the important.

This list is by no means exhaustive. There are other many great teachings that I did not include here because I felt like they were already expounded on thoroughly elsewhere, such as Einstein and Gandhi’s timeless classics. There are also great teachings to be found from our parents or friends.

If you have any lessons to add, I encourage you to share them with us in the comments below. Also, I want to give a special thanks to Manu from LifeTweak for inspiring me with his “10 Golden Lessons from Albert Einstein”.

*  86 percent value having financial security

*  73 percent value saving for retirement

*  70 percent value paying down debt

*  68 percent value building a savings account

Many Americans’ perceptions about their financial futures are optimistic, while their actual planning and budgeting falls short.

Interestingly, most would also like their money to go toward similar things:

*  57 percent would like to provide long-term financial security for their children

*  58 percent would like to pay for a child’s education

*  54 percent would like to care for parents or grandparents

*  42 percent would like to buy a first or new home

However, in reality, many of these families are making major mistakes — from not planning for emergencies to making their ATM passwords easily accessible — that could keep these dreams from becoming a reality.

“It’s encouraging that families feel good about their financial futures, but this confidence should stem from adequate financial planning and preparation,” said Susan Waring, CLU, executive vice president and chief administrative officer of State Farm Life Insurance Companies. “Americans cannot just ‘hope for the best’ when it comes to financial planning. All families must take a critical look at where they are financially and lay out a clear road map that guides them to their hopes and dreams.”

How many of these money mistakes are you making?

1. Keeping confidential information with you.
You should not carry your social security number, ATM passwords, bank account numbers, credit card numbers written in a day planner or any other personal, financial information with you. In the event that your wallet or purse is stolen, a thief could easily charge thousands of dollars to your credit cards or take money directly out of your bank account.

2. Throwing away a vulnerable computer.
Computers are an efficient tool to store all of your financial records and manage your money online. However, if you get rid of your computer with the hard drive intact, all of your personal finances (and other information) are free for the taking.

When you get rid of your computer, clean the hard drive, then, said Kevin Barrows, a former FBI agent who now works for Renaissance Associates, a computer forensic firm, “Smash it. Do whatever you have to do to make sure someone doesn’t use it.“

3. Giving out your social security number.
Writing your social security number on a check — particularly if you plan to mail this check to a business or other third party — leaves you vulnerable to identity theft, in which someone could easily clean out your life savings. You should also be extremely wary of giving your social security number over the phone and on the Internet.

Many scammers will call a person pretending to be from an organization and ask for your name and social security number. The same goes for Internet phishing scams. But once you give that out, the person can easily open fraudulent accounts in your name. A cautious approach would also be to not include your social security number on your driver’s license.

4. Using file sharing computer programs unwisely.
File sharing programs commonly used to download and share music are capable of sharing a lot more than that. These programs can scan your computer’s hard drive and find tax returns, bank statements and anything else you’ve got saved on there. To avoid sharing your financial information with the world, you must specify which files to share and which to keep private if you’re going to use these programs.

5. Writing your pin number on your ATM card.
The absolute worst place to keep your pin number is directly on your ATM card. This, of course, is because in the event the card is stolen, the thief can easily access your account.

When it comes to joint credit accounts, both partners are responsible for paying off debts — regardless of who made the charges.

6. Spending a lot on items you don’t need.
It’s very easy to nickel-and-dime your way to the poor house. To avoid doing this, keep track of what you spend your cash on for a week (including the mocha on your way to work, the money you give the kids and the smoothie at the gym). “In three weeks, you’ll be able to see where the money is going — like, gee, the kids are tapping me for $20 every time I turn around . . . so your kids may be your money leak,” says Ginita Wall, director of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education and an advisory board member for the GE Center for Financial Learning. “Time to corral in the kids — no more ‘Bank of Mom and Dad.’”

7. Not paying off credit card debt.
A good debt is something that will help you build wealth over time — such as a loan to go back to school or a mortgage. Bad debt is the kind that’s accrued from charging groceries, clothing and other everyday items, then having to pay much more than they’re worth in interest.

“If you pay only the minimum amount due on your credit card, you may end up paying more in interest charges than what the item cost you to begin with,” said Janet Kincaid, Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) senior consumer affairs officer.

To avoid this, pay off your balance in full whenever possible, shop around for low-interest-rate cards, don’t carry a lot of credit cards (to resist the temptation to use them) and don’t make purchases you know you won’t be able to pay off in a short amount of time.

8. Not having a plan.
Many people procrastinate when it comes to finances, but studies have found that planning is associated with wealth accumulation. Rather than living paycheck to paycheck, you should develop a plan for saving money for emergencies, for retirement and for other expenses, like your child’s education and family vacations. The sooner you develop a plan, the better off you’ll be financially.

9. Not negotiating a raise.
Negotiating a raise for your first salary offer can add up to more than $500,000 by age 60. Don’t do it after that, and you stand to lose thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of dollars. Take, for instance, a negotiated salary raise of $2,000 a year. Over 30 years, that’s another $60,000.

10. Not paying attention to joint accounts.
If you and your spouse open joint credit accounts, you are both responsible — either jointly or individually — for any debts. So if your partner charges a huge debt, then can’t pay it off, you are still responsible. Likewise, if late payments are made, both individuals’ credit reports are negatively affected. Keep an eye on any account with your name on it, and talk with your spouse if problems arise. Money is the most common thing that couples argue about, so in some events you may be better off keeping your accounts separate.