They are out there lurking in every part of the world, just ready to latch on to you and feed on your ENERGY! I like to refer to these creatures as Energy Vampires. Ever feel like some people in your life are totally draining the life out of you? If so you have probably come into contact with one of these creatures.  These Energy Vampires feed on  your energy everyday leaving you feeling drained and even somewhat depressed at times. Garlic and holy water is no match for these types of vampires, even though you may may get a few laughs trying to use them on these people. The only true way to deal with this type of vampire is to learn how to spot them and avoid them. The attached video gives you some easy to follow tips on protecting your most valuable internal resource, your energy.  If you have any other tips, tricks or even a story that you would like to share, please use the comment section below.

Looking for something to do this weekend? New to town and looking to find activities that will help you meet new people? Look no further, the following sites will get you way ahead of the game no matter what you are looking for.

• Meetup.  Meetup is an incredible site for finding like minded people who share your interests – the site is very intuitive and has a host of well organized events in your area. You can get information on a particular even as well as see who is attending.  I’m involved in a few Meetup groups, although I don’t attend them all I love to be able to see what’s being planned attending the event if it sounds interesting to me. Many cities have dedicated “New In Town” Meetup groups, and when I’ve attended I’ve found them to be extremely inviting and welcoming. Offers a great place to meet people when you are new to an area.
• Craigslist.  This is a great website that will help you find just about anything, including things to do.  Whether you are searching for classes, events or just friends to hang out with they have it. If you are looking for activity partners just go to the section  “strictly platonic” and post an ad or read other peoples ads. If you are looking for a date they even have categories that cover that as well. Whatever you’re looking for, Craigslist has it and then some.   
• Twtvite.   A newer service on the scene is Twtvite. Twtvite uses Twitter to publicize events and RSVPs.  You don’t even need a Twitter account to use it, you can just show up – but you’ll want to get on Twitter so you can keep in touch with all the cool people you meet.  Just go to the site to see what’s being organized in your town and to see whose attending.  Instant things to do, instant Twitter followers and instant new real life friends, it’s all good. 
• Myspace Shows. If you like being adventurous and checking out new music then Myspace Shows is the place to visit. When new to the area it will help you find great local music as well as meet new people. What is cool about utilizing this site is that the people that I have met have the same taste in music. It causes me to be a bit adventurous and check out bars and clubs that I may not normally have happened upon. I also always browse Ticketmaster since they have a lot of concerts listed as well, but generally not as many as Myspace Shows. If you are looking to meet new people in your area it is usually a bit easier meeting them at smaller local shows like the ones Myspace Shows offers as compared to the larger events that Ticketmaster offers. 
• Metromix.  This is an awesome source for club parties and local bar events. They offer a ton of information on local night life as well as pictures and information on the venues.  If you are looking for a great place to spend and evening out for some music and dancing this is definitely the place to visit. This site is predominately just focused on night life, so if you are looking for day time activities you will have the best bet checking out the other links in this article. 
• Facebook Events. This is a great resource but requires a bit more work which is why I listed this one last.  Whenever a friend invites me to an event on Facebook, I take a look at who the organizer for the event is and check out their Facebook profile.  Over time I’ve found many local people – local DJs, bartenders, etc. – who constantly post new events to Facebook to get the word out.  The result is that now on any given night, there are usually one or two events I can see going on on Facebook.  Since I can see who is organizing events as well, I can often get on guest lists for free or reduced cover charge.

We all feel love in many different ways. While one person feels love through touch another person may feel love through communication. These are two examples but there are truly many ways and combinations of ways that leads a person to experiencing this feeling. What makes it even more complex is that we are all so very different in regards to our perception of what is needed to experience this. This further adds to the disconnect that many couples experience.

Most people’s needs are very specific and when you discover them it’s like a “magic button” that will trigger their feelings of excitement, passion, gratitude and love. Finding your partners secret button can be a little tricky but once you discover it you can truly take your love and relationship to a new deeper level. This “magic button” around understanding your partner can generate extreme levels of trust, happiness, love and passion. When both partners put this practice in place you can take your relationship to a level well beyond any relationship that they have had in the past.

There are a number of different ways you can figure out your partners “magic button”. The first way is to really be observant of how your partner responds to things. You must truly do this in an unbiased fashion taking your wants and needs out of the equation. One thing that helps you the most in this area is to just ensure you are staying in the present with your partner, not letting your mind wander to other places when spending quality time together and keep your energies focused on your partner. As you build a better level of connection through staying in the present with your partner the next step is to simply ask them. Ask them about the times they have felt the most loved and content by you or previous partners. What specific things do they feel led to those feelings of love and contentment? This takes all levels of assumption out of the equation and lets you truly be there for your partner in the way they need you to be. Like anything practice makes perfect, so don’t give up and stay consistent with getting better in this area.

While it’s not always easy getting to this level of connection with your partner it is truly possible with some effort and persistence. After all you and your partner are worth the time spent, right?

So let’s start by breaking this skill up into segments and understanding them a bit better. The first part of this skill is Heartfelt Understanding. What I mean by heartfelt understanding is being able and willing to connect to your partner’s emotional world. In laymen’s terms this means being able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understanding things from their perspective.  When your partner doesn’t feel understood by you the relationship cannot grow and develop. The trick and the power comes in when you can listen to your partner without out judgment and truly understand and feel what they are feeling.  Most people are so worried about their agenda and themselves they over look the one main thing that it takes to make your relationship work and that’s your partner and his or her feelings.  Now that’s not to say that you have to agree with everything that your partner is saying, but they need to feel that you are on their side and understanding their perspectives.

The next part to this skill is being able to put your partner first, because it can’t be about you in a relationship.  The thing is, when you put someone else first and you are not concerned about you it puts you in a place of perceived vulnerability. After all if you aren’t worried about yourself and you’re putting yourself on a limb who’s going to have your back, right? The answer is your partner will if you both are truly committed to this practice, but you both have to have trust and faith in each other.  Scary, right? We’ve all been hurt or let down at some point or another in past relationships or even the one you may be in right now. But I truly believe the end result is amazing if you both can commit to taking this leap of faith and developing this practice. You can’t be your partners observer or critic, you need to develop that inner heart connection and become totally conscious of what your partner needs and feels.  It takes a little practice but I fully believe all the best things in life come as a result of practicing good habits.

There are a number of things you can do to help develop this practice. First be totally selfless, its about your partner not you. No matter how busy you and your partner get in this crazy world have scheduled periods of time where you tend solely to your partners needs and putting your needs second or third. Maybe bring them breakfast in bed, massage their back while talking after a hard day, or just hold them and touch them in ways that make them feel special, and I again emphasize “them”.  For this to work you want to spend time to fully understand what your partner likes and continually refine your approach. Understand what gifts, gestures, touch, or words makes your partner feel loved and appreciated. Focus on continually becoming more proficient at loving and pleasing him or her.  One thing I do need to emphasize is that for this to work you both have to be committed to doing this. If one side is consistently putting in and the other partner is just taking with no reciprocation it becomes somewhat of an emotionally cannibalistic relationship that eventually harnesses high levels of resentment by the person that is giving.

One movie I always reference is “The Notebook” , through the course of the movie you see this couple refining this ability to such a high degree that they become what most of society only dreams about becoming, hence the reason there are so many tears flowing through the course of the movie.  Fairytale endings do exist, you just need to know what you want, and prioritize the things that brings what you want to life. In this case its needs to be all about your partner, and your partner needs to have the same mindset towards you. Spend time, talk, explore each other, let your walls down and enjoy each other. A world with a lot of walls and distrust, while it may feel protective in the short term, is a very lonely place in time. Take some chances, after all if you are seeing someone and you care about them aren’t they worth it?

Live life with passion, and not regret. Put your partner first and everything else in life will fall in place because you will then create an unstoppable team formed out of love and understanding.  The possibilities then become endless.

Let’s face it, fostering friendship, love and intimacy comes through opening up and enjoying the full experience of interaction with your partner. The inflection in the voice, the true understanding of the words being said, feeling those words being said from your partners perspective and not to mention the fact that you care enough to put all of your focus in one place at one time for that person on the other end of the line that you care about. When thinking back, how many text messaging conversations do you really remember versus those verbal conversations that you have had. Relationships are built out of quality of time spent and the true question is does text messaging count as quality time? I personally think it doesn’t.

I’ve spent a lot of time bettering myself over the past few years. I spent time learning to love myself because until you truly love yourself you really can’t love others and have fantastic relationships. I also read countless articles and books on self help and relationships. So for the first time in my life I feel I am truly able and capable of loving someone. Even armed with all of this I still continually run into one problem and that is getting caught up in the dreaded text messaging cycle that most couples fall prey to. Now I’m not talking just casual conversations happening via text but also conversations that I would deem quite serious happening though this medium. Words get misinterpreted, the other person can’t feel the inflection in your voice and then communication entirely breaks down.  I would say this probably happens a bit more on the dating scene then when you are married or living with someone because at the end of the day you have to go home to that person which could lend itself to that in person chat.

So if you care about that special someone and you care about your relationship resist that urge to text. Just pick up the phone and start out that call with I’m calling because I care, I care about you and us. There is nothing that would make some ones day more, I know I always get more exciting when I see that special someone’s name come up on caller ID versus my text inbox. People say relationships are work, I only look at things as work that I really don’t care about. So if it seems like a lot of work to pick up that phone and have that courage to go through that nervousness and that courage to have those tough conversations, then I think the true question is, are you where you need to be. Maybe that is why it comes down to using text for everything. Don’t destroy your relationships before they even begin, after all doesn’t that person that could be the one to give you a life time of warm feelings and smiles deserve the best you have to offer every day?

Life if short, live everyday as if it Is your last and live every moment with true passion and you can’t go wrong.

There are a number of things that can help you prepare and get through these types of issues. The main thing is communication early and often. By nature we all have the following six human needs that need to be met for us to be truely happy they are as follows:

1. Certainty/Comfort. We all want comfort. And much of this comfort comes from certainty. Of course there is no ABSOLUTE certainty, but we want certainty the car will start, the water will flow from the tap when we turn it on and the currency we use will hold its value. – Do you know what your partner is looking for to feel certain, are you articulating to your partner what you need to be certain?

2. Variety. At the same time we want certainty, we also crave variety. Paradoxically, there needs to be enough UNcertainty to provide spice and adventure in our lives. – Is there enough variety to keep your partner happy, if not, what have you done to change that? Have you articulated to your partner what you need to be happy in this area.

3. Significance. Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance. I can imagine no worse a death than to think my life didn’t matter. – Do you make your partner feel significant? Are there things that you think your partner feels are more important you? Have you articulated to your partner what is making you feel un-significant? Sometimes things such as computers, newspapers, TV and other things can make your partner feel very un-significant. These are sometimes habits that can be changed with love, support and most importantly heart felt communication on the matter. Also something could be missing in the area of one of these other 6 areas of human needs that keep your partner focused on the distraction rather then yourself. Through communication you can understand and grow together in the right way.

4. Connection/Love. It would be hard to argue against the need for love. We want to feel part of a community. We want to be cared for and cared about. – One of the biggest issues that causes people to grow apart is this area. Every relationship needs dedicated time regularly to focus on each other, talk, be playful and most importantly connect. With work and kids many people lose this time. Couples sometimes feel the children need to come first, but through focus on you as a couple first you will have the love and happiness that will flow over into your relationship with your children. You will find with dedicated time for yourself and your relationship, many other things will fall into place easily.

5. Growth. There could be some people who say they don’t want to grow, but I think they’re simply fearful of doing so—or perhaps NOT doing so. To become better, to improve our skills, to stretch and excel may be more evident in some than others, but it’s there. – Are you growing as a person? Are you learning new things? Are you growing with your partner? If you’re not growing, your dying. More importantly try doing things and activities with your partner that will allow you to grow together. One example is perhaps getting involved in fitness together and not only growing together daily but increasing your health together to enjoy a long, happy and healthy life together.

6. Contribution. The desire to contribute something of value—to help others, to make the world a better place than we found it is in all of us. – Do you feel as if you are contributing? This is another area that can strengthen your relationship as well. By focusing on community activities or charities together can also help increase your level of happiness and the well being of your relationship.

These six human needs are a must in the psychology realm to be happy. Keep in mind if they are not being met we often we can also meet them in destructive ways that only provide short term bursts of happiness. If you are finding that you are unhappy one or more of these needs are not getting met. If you are not doing these for yourself and your partner is not meeting them either it can lead to unhappiness and the feeling of being lost and confused. Many times these can be overcome by talking with your partner about what has not been feeling good to you. But these conversations need to be based on trust and heart felt connection. Your partner and you need to trust that when you let your partner in it is because they want to make a difference and they care about you. Many people do not let this level of connection happen because of the fear that they can be hurt when someone is so deeply connected to them. Love without this type of connection though is superficial and on borrowed time.

We all want someone to come into our life’s that loves us so much that no matter what obstacles life throws at us they are going to be there and stand the course. No matter what we say or do your partner will still be standing there saying ” I am going to still love you forever”. After all our parents had that for us and and it keeps that relationship in tact for ever, the same principle applies to relationships. When there is unconditional love coming from both partners meeting the above 6 human needs, you will have a love that stands the course of time. If you have thoughts of ending a long term relationship, ensure you think trough the above needs and ask yourself have you truely had the level of communication necessary for successful relationship?

Live Life With Passion Not Regret..

Listen, I love to sometimes go camping, but I would never pitch my tent in the middle of a mine field. So the question I pose here is why would you want to enter into a relationship with someone with a lot of conditions. A relationship that you our your partner always has one finger on the self destruct button and one foot hanging out the escape hatch ready to bail? I will love you as long as you do this, this and this but not if you do this, this and this. What this is, is a relationship in the middle of a mine field set for certain destruction and not one of unconditional love with a happily ever after ending.

One example of unconditional love is the love between a parent and a child, no matter how bad either the child or parent screw up the other still loves them and it is clear that they will be there to help and work through the situation. What is the out come of this type of relationship? One that typically lasts for ever, until death do you part, image that? What a novel idea for a relationship in this day and age! Til death do we part, even though it is in every wedding vow.

Now keep in mind it does take two people to have this type of a healthy relationship as I found out over the past couple of years, two people willing to have the courage to take on challenges that they are confronted with, the courage to look your partner in the eyes and discuss any issues no matter how bad they may seem at the time, the courage to stay the course.

Listen, we are all human, we will all make mistakes, some big some small. What it takes to have a healthy relationship is the ability to have courage. Talk when it hurts, try go deeper and understand why your partner did what they did wrong no matter how much it is hurting you at the time, develop the type of relationship that no matter what happens there is nothing taboo when it comes to conversation. What just happened here? Look around, the mines in the mine field just disappeared, open communication is formed, a deep understanding of your partners needs is accomplished and you are on your way to unconditional love. Feels good doesn’t it? If you look at your most successful relationships it has two people doing exactly this, living for each other. The word selfish does not exist in relationships where there is a strong sense of unconditional love.

As an example, I recently got out of a relationship that I felt I had pitched my tent in the middle of that mine field. Except these weren’t mines they were nuclear war heads, linked together by hundreds of invisible trip wires. My partner often ended the relationship every three months that we would soon reunite again after she worked through her mood swings. She did not have the ability to discuss things (which was not with just me, this was often seen in relationships with her friends when issues would arise), often hung the phone up on me or got angry when I was trying to discuss things (because hey u discuss things when they are important to you), made it appear to the world that I was the bad one and never took any accountability on her end (often making me feel as if I were this horrible person) and hid behind other things in life to avoid communications. There was never any accountability taken on her end or the willingness to take a few moments to try and understand each others feelings. These types of people often consider themselves simple people when they are absolutely the most complex and volitile. You never have any understand of them because they have zero ability to communicate anything that is going on within themself. They can communicatate some basics of the situation but they don’t have the ability to reach down deep, take their emmotions, label them and articulate them to others. At times you may even have to check their myspace mood status to see how they are feeling as opposed to having intimate 1 on 1 conversation with them. As ridiculous as that may sound believe it or not that happens alot. If you ever had an unhealthy relationship this may sound way to familiar.

I consider myself a pretty good communicator as you may be able to tell by some of my blogs, but it really takes two people to be successful at it when it comes to relationships. If you are in a reltionship with someone that does not have these skills or is not willing to atleast try to open up and try to develop them, my advice to you would be that your happily ever after may not be with that person, because it does take two. If you want some additional reassuring facts of this look at their track record with their past relationships, especially if they have kids, do they have good relationships with their past partners or is their one of hatred? Because to have a good relationship with an ex-partner, especially if their are kids involved, it takes communication, ability to forgive and more importanty you would of had to have some sort of unconditional love involved at some point. My bet is they always had their finger on that self destruct button much like they have / had it on that button in your relationship, and much like they will have it on the button in their next relationship. What is more ironic about situations like this is that the healthy partner is usually the one chasing the unhealthy partner to talk, discuss things and trying to make it right.

Now, that is not saying these people are bad people, just at some point they were never equipted in life to have a healthy relationship. I can tell you that I wasn’t originally either. It was through a learned process and a desire to have more fullfilling relationships that I became more of a healthy person in this regards. I read books, went to relationship courses, studied the people that had healthy relationships that I wish I had and even at one point got some counsiling so that I could go after my happily ever after ending more successfully. Or I should say go after my happily ever after beginning more successfully.

On a final note, Valentines day is coming up, make sure you plan and make it a special day for you and your partner.

Live life with passion not regret, sieze the day because tomorrow may never come.

Has communications and proper etiquette when meeting people really just vanished and given way to zombie land? Chasing, grabbing, clawing with no respect for others personal space, with the desired result of the stalker to suck your brains right out of your head! Ouch! I need an excedrin just thinking about this one! Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a little bit for a dramatic effect here but it’s not to far off.

Would you like to know if you are a stalker? Here is a quick test, now answer honestly:

1. Do you sometimes find yourself calling, texting and / or emailing someone several times before they conact you back in response to your first message?

2. Do you find yourself having full blown conversations via text messaging, when the other person isn’t responding?

3. Do you ever find yourself showing up or driving by someones house without their initial consent?

4. Do you have a candle lit shrine with someones pictures, locks of hair and other personal items set up in a prominent place in your home?

5. Do you sometimes find yourself lingering in stange busches in the hopes of getting a glimpse of someone or obtaining a sense of closeness?

If you answered yes to any one of these questions, then you may be on your way to becoming a stalker. If you answer yes to more then one of these questions, guess what, you may want to sit down for this one, YOU ARE A STALKER! And I say that with all due respect, please don’t hunt me down.

Now let me be clear here, if you have dated someone for a while and know them well and you are just trying to communicate with someone that is awful at communication I wouldn’t necessarily consider this stalking. It’s just caring and going after something you believe in, just know when to call it quits. However if you don’t know someone well and you are just in the process of getting to know someone and you are exhibiting these signs, well, you may want to have a drink, chill and rethink the situation and your approach.

The world is a big place, there are a lot of great people out there. If someone isn’t showing you the attention back that you would like, then just say no to stalking and yes to pulling up your britches soldier, getting out there and meeting someone that will show you the attention you crave. As much as I like scarey movies and sometimes can appreciate zombies trying to take over the world I would never want to date one. Even a hot one that has relatively little decomposition, I would still say NO.

So, if you have a zombie (stalking) story please share it in the comment section below. Since I am a very non discrimative type of person, if you are a zombie please share your stalking stories as well, perhaps as a group we can de-zombie you. Power in unity

Remember keep your brains in tact, stay away from zombies and live life with passion and not regret. This ones for you pony boy, stay golden.

A good marriage / relationship is based on much more than good sex. But couples who let physical passion drift away lose an essential emotional connection to each other. Often the feelings of romance and attraction that first drew together a man and woman get lost over time. This is because the couple fails to recognize, appreciate and understand the natural differences between the sexes.This lack of understanding can lead to feelings of rejection… frustration… and, ultimately, to sexual and emotional distance.

It is, of course, possible to improve your sex life — and in all likelihood the quality of your marriage / relationship.

SEX AND COMMUNICATION

Both men and women are looking for the same things — connection, intimacy and love. But the ways they go about meeting these needs are different.

For most men, the primary way of connecting is through sex. Women connect primarily through verbal communication.

When a woman feels that her need for communication is not being taken seriously by her partner, she begins to lose her enthusiasm for sex. Similarly, if a man’s sexual needs are not satisfied, his ability to be expressive in other ways tends to diminish.

Fortunately, the opposite is also true. When a woman’s communication needs are met, sex becomes more satisfying to her and she can enjoy it freely. When a man’s sexual needs are regularly satisfied, he is more open to verbal sharing.

When we expect the other person to respond the same way that we would, we get into trouble.

Example: A man comes home from a business trip. Almost immediately, he becomes amorous toward his wife / partner. She says, But you just walked in the door — we haven’t even talked yet. He feels rejected because he doesn’t realize that it isn’t that she doesn’t desire him… rather, she just needs to get in the mood. She feels rejected as well — as though sex is all that really matters to him, when it’s actually his way of wanting to be close to her.

To achieve ongoing intimacy and passion, we need to accept and work with each others sexual and emotional needs — rather than criticize them.

WHAT MEN CAN DO

From a woman’s point of view, one of the most effective forms of foreplay is talking. If at bedtime a man touches his wife / partner gently on the shoulder and says, Tell me about your day — and really listens — he’ll be astonished at how sexually responsive she is likely to be when he reaches for her later. When her thoughts and feelings are valued, a woman experiences the trust that can help her be fully open to sexual intimacy.

Paying attention to romantic rituals is another powerful way for a man to rekindle passion. These rituals don’t have to be elaborate. They include all the little things that show support and caring… the things that say to a woman that her husband / partner is thinking about her and considering her needs.

Some of these rituals are practically universal and often chivalrous — bringing flowers, opening the car door for her, offering to carry heavy loads. Many men have no problem making these thoughtful gestures when they’re courting, but they stop doing them once the relationship is established.

Just because you’ve won a woman’s affection is no reason to stop doing these things. Remember, considerate actions were part of the reason your wife fell in love with you in the first place. Think of them as a way of saying, I love you…you’re special to me. Couples can also develop their own favorite rituals. Again, some of the simplest ones can be the most powerful.

WHAT WOMEN CAN DO

There is nothing inappropriate about a woman asking for more romance if she wants it… but she stands a better chance of having her desires fulfilled if she requests it in a positive way.

Men have a deep-seated need to feel competent and successful. A negative statement such as, You never buy me flowers, will make a man feel as though his wife doesn’t recognize or appreciate the things he does do for her. He’ll think, Why bother trying?

Better: Say to your husband / partner, On your way home, would you please pick up some flowers? Follow this with genuine appreciation — These are beautiful. Thank you.

You might think, It isn’t romantic if I have to ask. But if you don’t ask, how will he know what to do?

Asking gets the ball rolling. By being specific and positive about what you need and expressing appreciation for his efforts, you make it easy for him to succeed — and to feel successful. That success will motivate him to continue making romantic gestures — and eventually, he’ll think of them on his own.

CREATING VARIETY

A major way that men experience intimacy is through a woman’s experience of pleasure.

A man wants to feel successful when he is trying to fulfill a woman — that’s how he bonds with her and feels close to her, whether it’s in seeing how much pleasure she takes in sex or simply basking in her smile when he comes home.

Just as men often stop making little romantic gestures once the courtship stage has passed, women often stop showing their appreciation for the things a man does for them. This tends to make a man feel taken for granted… and he often withdraws.

Nowhere is this more true than where sex is concerned. Often, women don’t realize that when they’re too busy for sex or not in the mood, men view this as rejection. If a man feels rejected enough times, he’ll begin to lose his attraction for his partner… and he’ll stop initiating sex and other kinds of intimacy.

There are also times when a woman may be in the mood for sex but her partner is not.

There’s a startlingly simple solution. If you have developed a broad sexual menu, neither of you will ever have to say no to sex — if you don’t want to.

A good sexual relationship includes not just one style of sex, but several. What I call “healthy home-cooked sex” takes about 30 minutes and allows time for the gradual buildup of passion that many women find most satisfying.

“Gourmet sex” — which might last somewhere between one and two hours — gives both partners the opportunity to be a little more creative in terms of the romantic stage-setting and their sexual experimentation.

Then there are “quickies,” which don’t usually take up much time or energy, but can be satisfying.

Caution: A sex life that is made up mostly of quickies will eventually make any woman feel resentful.

On the other hand, women need to recognize men’s need to be appreciated sexually. When a man feels he won’t be rejected sexually, his attraction for his partner will not only be sustained but will grow over time.

A couple willing to engage in all three sexual styles can make sure that both partners feel cared for.

SAYING WHAT YOU WANT

Communicating about your sexual preferences is a delicate matter. If there are things you would like your partner to do differently in bed, by all means say so — but make sure you do it in a way that makes your partner feel successful… not criticized.

The best time to talk about sexual needs is not when you’re about to have sex, but afterward. And the best way to phrase your request is in positive terms: It felt so good when you… or It might be fun if we tried….

Most people, male and female, are much happier to cooperate if they first get the message that what they’ve been doing is great… and can keep getting better and better.