We all love a good movie when there is a happily ever after ending involved don’t we? But what about our own life’s? Where is my happily ever after ending you may ask? If you are seeking your happily ever after it comes down to several things but one of the main things is unconditional love. Developing the ability between two people to love one another no matter what without any conditions.

Listen, I love to sometimes go camping, but I would never pitch my tent in the middle of a mine field. So the question I pose here is why would you want to enter into a relationship with someone with a lot of conditions. A relationship that you our your partner always has one finger on the self destruct button and one foot hanging out the escape hatch ready to bail? I will love you as long as you do this, this and this but not if you do this, this and this. What this is, is a relationship in the middle of a mine field set for certain destruction and not one of unconditional love with a happily ever after ending.

One example of unconditional love is the love between a parent and a child, no matter how bad either the child or parent screw up the other still loves them and it is clear that they will be there to help and work through the situation. What is the out come of this type of relationship? One that typically lasts for ever, until death do you part, image that? What a novel idea for a relationship in this day and age! Til death do we part, even though it is in every wedding vow.

Now keep in mind it does take two people to have this type of a healthy relationship as I found out over the past couple of years, two people willing to have the courage to take on challenges that they are confronted with, the courage to look your partner in the eyes and discuss any issues no matter how bad they may seem at the time, the courage to stay the course.

Listen, we are all human, we will all make mistakes, some big some small. What it takes to have a healthy relationship is the ability to have courage. Talk when it hurts, try go deeper and understand why your partner did what they did wrong no matter how much it is hurting you at the time, develop the type of relationship that no matter what happens there is nothing taboo when it comes to conversation. What just happened here? Look around, the mines in the mine field just disappeared, open communication is formed, a deep understanding of your partners needs is accomplished and you are on your way to unconditional love. Feels good doesn’t it? If you look at your most successful relationships it has two people doing exactly this, living for each other. The word selfish does not exist in relationships where there is a strong sense of unconditional love.

As an example, I recently got out of a relationship that I felt I had pitched my tent in the middle of that mine field. Except these weren’t mines they were nuclear war heads, linked together by hundreds of invisible trip wires. My partner often ended the relationship every three months that we would soon reunite again after she worked through her mood swings. She did not have the ability to discuss things (which was not with just me, this was often seen in relationships with her friends when issues would arise), often hung the phone up on me or got angry when I was trying to discuss things (because hey u discuss things when they are important to you), made it appear to the world that I was the bad one and never took any accountability on her end (often making me feel as if I were this horrible person) and hid behind other things in life to avoid communications. There was never any accountability taken on her end or the willingness to take a few moments to try and understand each others feelings. These types of people often consider themselves simple people when they are absolutely the most complex and volitile. You never have any understand of them because they have zero ability to communicate anything that is going on within themself. They can communicatate some basics of the situation but they don’t have the ability to reach down deep, take their emmotions, label them and articulate them to others. At times you may even have to check their myspace mood status to see how they are feeling as opposed to having intimate 1 on 1 conversation with them. As ridiculous as that may sound believe it or not that happens alot. If you ever had an unhealthy relationship this may sound way to familiar.

I consider myself a pretty good communicator as you may be able to tell by some of my blogs, but it really takes two people to be successful at it when it comes to relationships. If you are in a reltionship with someone that does not have these skills or is not willing to atleast try to open up and try to develop them, my advice to you would be that your happily ever after may not be with that person, because it does take two. If you want some additional reassuring facts of this look at their track record with their past relationships, especially if they have kids, do they have good relationships with their past partners or is their one of hatred? Because to have a good relationship with an ex-partner, especially if their are kids involved, it takes communication, ability to forgive and more importanty you would of had to have some sort of unconditional love involved at some point. My bet is they always had their finger on that self destruct button much like they have / had it on that button in your relationship, and much like they will have it on the button in their next relationship. What is more ironic about situations like this is that the healthy partner is usually the one chasing the unhealthy partner to talk, discuss things and trying to make it right.

Now, that is not saying these people are bad people, just at some point they were never equipted in life to have a healthy relationship. I can tell you that I wasn’t originally either. It was through a learned process and a desire to have more fullfilling relationships that I became more of a healthy person in this regards. I read books, went to relationship courses, studied the people that had healthy relationships that I wish I had and even at one point got some counsiling so that I could go after my happily ever after ending more successfully. Or I should say go after my happily ever after beginning more successfully.

On a final note, Valentines day is coming up, make sure you plan and make it a special day for you and your partner.

Live life with passion not regret, sieze the day because tomorrow may never come.